Queen Arts - RogueWolf studios

Reply to an Article

2011-12-01T11:18:00.001-08:00

This is written in reply to the following article (http://www.paganlibrary.com/fundies/other_people.php)

First fallacy of the argument on this page

Many claim that the Hebrew noun ‘Elohim’, rendered ‘God’ (Strong’s #430) in the first clause of Genesis 1:26, denotes more than one God Person (typically thought of or explained as “3 in 1” or “2 in 1” as in “one” family). In support they point to the second clause of verse 26, "Let us make man in our image", being plural. It is true that in both English and Hebrew this second clause contains the plural subject ‘us’ and that this governs the plural verb ‘make’- But these are not governed by ‘Elohim’ (God) of the first clause. What is not realized, or otherwise mentioned in this issue is that in the first clause, “And God said”, ‘Elohim’ governs the singular Hebrew verb ‘’amer’ (Strong’s # 559), which is rendered ‘said’ in English. So linguistically there is no basis for claiming that ‘Elohim’ denotes, represents, or contains more than one God Person (entity).

Why does it say, “us” and “our”?

The Cohortative Mood of Genesis 1:26.

From Gesenius’ Hebrew Grammar § 75 l, and from Owens’ Analytical Key to the Old Testament, with James D. Martin’s Davidson’s Introductory Hebrew Grammar page 76, it may be seen that the Genesis 1:26 verbal phrase, “Let us make” is, in both Hebrew and English, the Cohortative or Voluntative mood. This mood appears not understood by commentators to Genesis 1:26; and readers unfamiliar with the grammatical concept of the Cohortative Mood, are referred to the explanation given at the end of this paper……..In particular the plurality of ‘us’ may not be taken to infer plurality to the speaker God, or even to those God spoke to.

It has now been shown in different ways that linguistically there is no justification for inferring from “And God said, Let us make…”, that the plurality of ‘us’ extends back to God. Rather the Cohortative mood demands that God, as the speaker issuing a command, is singular! This is also attested to by the singular Hebrew verb for ‘said’ (And God said) and the singular pronouns and singular verbs in subsequent verses, which refer back to God of Genesis 1:26

Second fallacy (Elohim or Yahweh)

The Author of the article attempts to separate Elohim and Yahweh. Yahweh is used wherever the Bible stresses God's personal relationship with his people and the ethical aspect of his nature. Elohim, on the other hand, refers to God as the Creator of the whole universe of people and things, and especially of the material world: he was the ruler of nature, the source of all life. This variation of divine names can be seen most dramatically in texts like Psalm 19. In this psalm Elohim is used in the first part, which describes God's work in creation and his relationship to the material world. But in the middle of the psalm the psalmist switches to the topic of the law of the LORD and the relationship the LORD has with those who know him; there the name Yahweh appears.

Accordingly, Genesis 1 correctly used the name Elohim, for God's role as Creator of the whole universe and of all living things and all mortals is what the chapter teaches. The subject narrows immediately in Genesis 2-3, however; there it describes God's very intimate and personal relationship with the first human pair, Adam and Eve. God is depicted as walking and talking with Adam in the Garden of Eden. Therefore Yahweh is appropriately joined to Elohim to indicate that the Elohim of all creation is now the Yahweh who is intimately concerned to maintain a personal relationship with those who will walk and talk with him.

Satan's Lies and his methods

The Author of the article claims that Satan (Lucifer a.k.a the snake in Genesis) did not lie. Lets explore these statements.

Temptation 1 Seed of doubt

Genesis 3:1 The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the LORD God had made. One day he asked the woman, "Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?" Satan created a seed of doubt in Eve’s mind. Now she may have asked herself in response to this question: Why is God withholding this beautiful fruit from me? Surely, God would not hold back His blessings from me. Did I misunderstand?

Watch the tempters play on words Genesis 2:16-17

And the Lord God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."

Eve added to God's commandment "but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'" and you must not touch it was added by Eve. Once she saw it was pleasing and then touched the fruit nothing major happened. By her addition to the commandment and the serpents introduction of doubt the spiritual bricks begin to fall apart.

TEMPTATION 2

Gen 3:4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:

Surely you will not die.

Now that the seed of doubt was planted, Satan contradicted God’s word outright, with ”surely you will not die”. Eve’s fear of death was removed by this lie. When the consequence of disobedience is removed, sin is meaningless.

TEMPTATION 3

Genesis 3:5 For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.

You shall be like God.

After Satan first questioned the Word of God then openly defied it, he then tempted with a new thought. You will be as God. Doesn’t this speak to our pride. That somehow we are in control of our own life and our destiny without Jesus Christ as our Lord. That God’s plan for our lives is not good enough for us. Our way is better than His way.

Can you see the sequence of these three temptations? Satan first used a suggestion to create doubt, then he defied scripture and then baited the trap with deity of self.

BUT THEY DIDN'T DIE

Gen. 2:16-17 And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."

Commentators as far back as pre-Christian Judaism have read this as indicating spiritual, not physical, death. But a literalist critic will say: "That's not what the book says. It says they will die. Nothing is said about a spiritual death."

It has been noted that the literal Hebrew says, "Dying you shall die," which does indicate a "progressive" death. However, even if it did not -- as is the case with many cites where "death" and "die" is used in isolation -- nothing needs to be said because the context says all that is needed. Critics would have us believe that the writer of this story, which forms a literary unity, wrote something so blatantly contradictory in such a short space. Common sense alone therefore supports the "spiritual death" interpretation, but there is more, and this is where we come back to the overall pervasiveness of figurative language in Hebrew, combined with an understanding of the Semitic theological mindset.

The account in Genesis goes on to depict Adam and Eve as losing fellowship with God. To the Hebrew mind, loss of fellowship with God is a fate worse than death, for it was the loss of fellowship with the prime source of peace. Thus the word "death" --- representing the most fearsome and irreversible fate in this life --- was chosen to figuratively describe this loss of fellowship with God.

The story continues as the "first" family is kicked from Eden so that they may not eat of the tree of life. This is actually an act of grace and love upon the "first" family. Humankind in their fallen state if they had eaten from the "tree of life" would have been eternally separated and in a state of fallen nature. This act put into motion the plan of redemption and salvation that would later be completed through Yeshua. Once fellowship is "regained" the promise of eternal life is restored.

CAIN AND HIS DESCENDANTS

When a person reads about Nod in Genesis 4, he often pictures a land where a large group of people already were dwelling by the time Cain arrived. Because the Bible gives this land a name (“Nod”), many assume it was called such before Cain went there. Furthermore, many believe that it was in this land that Cain found his wife. Based upon these assumptions, some even claim that God must have specially created other humans besides Adam and Eve, otherwise there would not have been a land of Nod, nor would Cain have been able to find a wife there. Are these assumptions and conclusions correct? What can be said about these matters?

It is very likely that when Moses wrote the name “Nod” (Genesis 4:16), he was using a figure of speech called “prolepsis” (the assignment of something, such as an event or name, to a time that precedes it). People often use prolepsis for the sake of convenience, so that the reader or audience can better understand what is being communicated. more info here http://www.apologeticspress.org/apcontent.aspx?category=11&article=696

Yahweh and "Pagans"

the author in the article writes "Jahweh to "learn not the ways of the Pagans..." (Jer 10:2) with detailed descriptions of exactly what it is we do, such as erect standing stones and sacred poles, worship in sacred groves and practice divination and magic. And worship the sun, moon, stars and the "Queen of Heaven." JER 10:2 actually reads "This is what the LORD says: "Do not act like the other nations, who try to read their future in the stars. Do not be afraid of their predictions, even though other nations are terrified by them."

The queen of heaven is mentioned in the following and one other place in the bible.

Jeremiah 7:18 (ESV)

18 The children gather wood, the fathers kindle fire, and the women knead dough, to make cakes for the queen of heaven. And they pour out drink offerings to other gods, to provoke me to anger.

The phrase “the queen of heaven” appears in the Bible twice, both times in the book of Jeremiah. The first incident is in connection with the things the Israelites were doing that provoked the Lord to anger. Entire families were involved in idolatry. The children gathered wood, and the men used it to build altars to worship false gods. The women were engaged in kneading dough and baking cakes of bread for the “Queen of Heaven” (Jeremiah 7:18). This title referred to Ishtar, an Assyrian and Babylonian goddess also called Ashtoreth and Astarte by various other groups. She was thought to be the wife of the false god Baal, also known as Molech.

now moving onto the word "Pagan"

The word 'pagan' is from the latin 'pagus' which means a country district, including country towns and villages. That's as opposed to 'urbus' (like urban) which meant the bigger cities.

We have a few pre-christian uses of paganus, usually used to mean the person was closely tied to the local customs of the place he or she was from. Pre-christian religion often was very locally focused - it was the divine presence in one's home turf that made it one's home, and worship through local customs was the same as loyalty to one's home. So 'pagani' was sometimes used to mean 'devoted to the local ways', in a complementary sense. It often also meant 'hick' in the sense of being local or rural not cosmopolitan.

Christians took up the meaning of "loyal to the old ways", and so did roman vernacular, as christianity became more popular in the empire. By the 3rd or 4th century 'Pagan' was used in the western empire, and 'Hellene' was commonly used in the eastern empire - both used to refer to those who held to the pre-christian religions.

Initially, the reference to pagan supposedly did not have any reference to witchcraft or anything else; this came later.

the author is speaking entirely in the Old Testament setting. TO THE HEBREW YOU WERE GENTILES! simply put you were any people other than the Jewish nation. Pagan later became a term used after Christianity became established! I love how people claim themselves Pagan yet know nothing of the actual meaning. I am a pagan myself having been born outside of the urban settings of the city. My ancestry is pagan having descended from Norse, Celtic and Native American heritage but I lay no claim to mystical abilities or supernatural powers. So by definition I am pagan. More so than many that claim divine right to the title. I however believe in the son of the Living God and find my self redeemed by His sacrifice…but alas that is a whole subject in and of itself.

The author of the article is attempting to state that because we are not of Adams seed we are not in a fallen state and thus have no original sin "Not being born into sin, we have no need of salvation, and no need of a Messiah to redeem our sinful souls."

I believe the evidence shows a lineage originating from a single source (adam & eve) I could go into the science and apologetics of this concept but that would take time and text. More so than I have available to me at this moment.

Original Sin

This one seems pretty simple to me. My kid lies. I never taught them to lie it was a natural occurrence. Sin nature exists in us all. Have you ever lied? Even a little lie? then you are a liar. Have ever stolen anything? No of course not! Well you just admitted you lied so why should I believe you. Ever lusted after something or someone? of course you have BECAUSE IT'S IN OUR NATURE!!!!!! Sin is a part of who we are! Everyone has need of salvation. Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

Romans 5:12–14 ² Therefore, just as ^sthrough one man sin entered the world, and ^tdeath through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned— ¹³ (For until the law sin was in the world, but ^usin is not imputed when there is no law. ¹⁴ Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those who had not sinned according to the likeness of the transgression of Adam, ^vwho is a type of Him who was to come.

(Side not to my feminist friends who scream about Eve getting all the blame please take note of whose sin the Bible refers to….Adam's)

The fact that everybody sins needs some explanation. The best explanation is that we are sinners by nature. Someone might argue that the reason all people sin is because society is sinful, and thus society renders it impossible for anybody to keep themselves entirely pure. But that only pushes the question back one step. How did society get sinful in the first place? If people are born morally good, then how did it come about that they congregated into societies that influence all people to sin?

So we have established several fallacies, misrepresentations and misinterpretations of content concerning the original article. Feel free to begin a discussion concerning my stance. I am out of time so I must end my rebuttal to the above stated article.

Many of the above is borrowed from several sites and sources. Much of the research and content is not my own and I lay no claim to copyrighted material. I will add a resource and reference list when more time is available

REwrite and novel in process

2011-09-06T09:02:00.000-07:00

So for the past few weeks I have been doing a huge rewrite on my life's story and the events that surrounded my life changing event of 2004. Please enjoy the preface and the first chapter to this book. It is still in rough draft form so excuse any spelling or literary errors but I would love to hear some feedback. Thanks - IMPORTANT © COPYRIGHT NOTICE All the works on my pages and galleries are protected by copyright laws. All rights are reserved to L. Jason Queen. No use of any kind without my permission.

Preface
The musty odor of Old Main permeated my senses as I entered the aging structure at the center of the Marshall University campus. I climbed the creaking staircase to the third floor having learnt not to trust the elevators of this elder building. The infamous third floor hidden away from the socialite world of Marshall University. This third floor of Marshall's oldest structure was reserved for ghosts, storage, artists and other forgotten things. Out of sight out of mind so they say. Years I had invested on this floor as I studied the career path of a professional artist. Numerous hours had been lost in study with my painting maestro, Stan Sporny. Here wisdom was gained and secrets of the paint were revealed from this master of oils. Stan Sporny, friend, philosopher, artist and professor seemed to rule this domain as if he were part of Old Main. The other professors referred to those of us in search of the master of arts in painting his sporny-o-phites. Stan the one man who preached a conservative stance in a very liberal campus stood out among the masses at Marshall University. He was as gravity pulling those with artistic souls to him. We would sit and listen to his stances and outlooks on life and art. Stan was very much a conservative street preacher. A missionary prophet singing conservative hope to the lost liberals of Marshall's campus. My years of study had come to a close. The day had arrived for my final portfolio review. The review where all the paintings one had completed came under deep and certain scrutiny. I knew my style of painting did not sit well with most of the post modern abstract minded professors on campus. Sporny was one of the few to understand my illustrative style. Having experience as a graphic artist as well as a bachelor's of fine arts in graphic design, illustration was a natural evolution in my development as a professional artist. Illustration here in the hallowed halls of Marshall University however was viewed as a form of lesser art. Myself never being one to go with the grain, this prejudice rarely effected my pursuit of illustrative styled painting. I knew today I would most certainly face the firing squad of the liberal art professors. "Nervous?" Sporny asked as I set up my paintings for review. "yeah, a little." I replied. "you know what your facing today right? He asked. "yup most certain death by abstract liberalism." I laughed. Sporny grinned amused. "Just remember…I got your back." He said as he disappeared down the hallway toward his office. His back up would be most appreciated. My firing squad filed in one by one. Each professor taking time in their critical review of my artwork. Seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned to an awkward eternity of silence. After each professor took notes on their thoughts of my work and the review began. The bashing began as expected. Critiques were expelled upon my artwork with a violent wave of cynicism. I stood there in silence letting these self proclaimed deities of art smash my life's work. I looked for the one who had my back. Sporny was a no show. I had been abandoned. I felt my patience give way to a bubbling cauldron of raw anger. I defended my work drawing on every artistic strategy and design principle I could remember from my many years of study. They attacked and I attempted to counter. We danced this rhythm until they seemed satisfied in their self proclaimed victory. My work in their eyes was clearly of lesser value. I accepted this narrow minded viewpoint, breathed in, breathed out and moved on. After my beating from the faculty I had one mission in mind. To find and face the man who left me hanging. I encountered Stan meandering toward the critique area. "Over already?" He mused. "Dude you totally left me hanging back there!" I said clearly agitated. "They beat you down pretty good eh?" He said with a grin. "You could say that!" I proclaimed. "So did you defend your work?" He asked with a sly grin. "Of course I did! I won't go down without a fight!" I countered. "Good!" Stan said. "Good…Good…I thought you had my back?" I stated rather loudly. Stan got very serious as he looked me deep into my eyes puncturing my very soul. "You just learnt your most valuable lesson Jason. I know you can paint. You know you can paint. You just found your strength. The strength to stand on your own two feet." I think my mouth dropped open as I considered his words. His prophetic wisdom will forever haunt me. To this day I do not hear the voices of critique in my mind. But often when I sit in front of a canvas the words and wisdom of Stan Sporny echo from the great beyond onto my canvas. I never got to tell Stan just how important his wisdom would be in the months and years that followed that critique. I learned to stand on my own two feet in a very figurative and very physical way. His lesson would be a lesson I would need and draw upon in order to face the storm that was brewing on life's horizon.

Chapter 1
The memories seem almost distant now. The events that occurred that fateful day will however be etched into the unfolding painting of my life. Often I still find myself startled from my sleep. My mind jolting me from my dreams as it remembers the impact that forever changed me. The day of June 14th 2004.It was a simple day. I woke up kissed my wife and children goodbye and went to work. My uneventful work day ceased and I began a journey to exhibit a few of my paintings in a local gallery. I recall nothing amazing about this day. In all honesty this day is lost to me now. Its memories removed by the trauma. The story that follows is pieces of my own memory and stories of those who were involved.

The impact transferred shockwaves of energy into my physical body like a massive explosion. My vehicle had been hit head on by a young girl driving a truck. Metal twisted and glass shattered as the airbags exploded into my face and chest. Dazed and confused my mind attempted grasp at reason. The impact however left my mind reeling and my lungs gasping for breath. I could now feel the pain descending upon me. Like the flames of my own personal hell an intense burning settled over most of my torn body. My mind went through an imaginary checklist of things working and things broken. My legs burned and an intense stabbing left me at a loss for words. The engine had shot backward from the collision and now mostly rested on my shattered legs. Bone protruded from the skin and blood poured from the gaping wounds. I tried to move but this only made the splintered pieces of bone grind deeper into severed flesh. My legs had been mangled and now hung connected to me by only a few strands of flesh and tendon. My lungs gasped for air only to find more intense stabbing pain. My right side screamed in agony. Breath seemed to escape me as I searched hard for its simple ecstasy. I had suffered two broken ribs. One puncturing and deflating my lung. The other shredding my liver. My insides were seared with agony. My mind screamed for any form of comfort. Comfort was denied me in these dark moments. The metallic scent of blood now permeated every aspect of my shattered world. Its crimson streams burning my hazy vision. Its taste forever carved into my senses. Gasoline and oil fumes now mingled into the air. My body attempted to flee but remained trapped in its prison of mangled wreckage. I was helpless. There seemed no hope for my survival from this situation. The agony and the abyss pulled me deeper into their dark refuge. Death's icy breathe now felt to be the only release from this torture. I could feel its talons delving deeper into my being with each passing moment. Its chill now moving through my damaged limbs and into my very mind. It was here at this moment I looked inward. They often speak of your life flashing before your eyes. I didn't really care for what was revealed. I doubted my salvation into eternity. "God save me!" I whispered. I had uttered the three words that would forever alter my life. You see my prayer for salvation was not one of physical meaning. It was a prayers for spiritual preservation. I knew in about thirty seconds I was going to stand in front of either my judge or my savior and I was afraid and ashamed of my wasted time. As the words faded into the blood soaked atmosphere something amazing occurred. The hands that created the universe paused from orchestrating the cosmic balance to hold me. Me, a lowly sin filled broken being. I was enraptured by the most intense feeling of Love one could describe. My soul knew its Maker and rejoiced in His all enveloping presence. I embraced the complete absoluteness of peace. The pain that was screaming through my torn body receded. A great distance was placed between the agony and myself. It was as if Christ himself was now once again accepting my pain upon his cross. He carried me like an infant in the arms of its mother through the dark valley of death. This was the deep magic. The essence that bound all things together now bound itself to me. Its energy and absolute spiritualness defied the very reason of earthly logic. Though I was dying I was at peace. In the distance I could now hear a siren. Every drop of blood and passing moment brought it closer. You see the great being that now held me had placed a state trooper by the name of Bryan Pack just moments away. I felt myself giving into the eternal mystery when I heard his voice. "Stay with me son! Do not go to sleep! You sleep you die!" I felt the trooper's presence now in my car. The trooper had crawled into my wreckage to do what he could for me. I knew the danger he had placed himself in and was extremely thankful for this officer. Trooper Pack became an anchor to hold onto in my journey through this valley. It seemed as though my Maker's embrace now filled my vacant veins and gave me life where life should have been forgotten. In my mind these events seemed surreal. "Is it my fault?" I asked the trooper. No son your'e on your side of the road just hang in there a bit longer." I don't know how long trooper Pack held me in that car but I am forever thankful to him for his life saving actions. I looked at the trooper through a blurry haze. I could hardly see due to the blood that poured into my eyes. "Am I going to die?" I asked not really understanding my own question. "Not on my highway, not today." The trooper stated with a certain amount of faith that helped encourage me to fight harder. "what's your name?" the trooper asked trying to lighten the situation. "Jason." I whispered. I faded in an out of the world as the valiant trooper worked to save me. The feeling of drowning in darkness was so strong. It would have been incredibly easy to pass into the darkness that seemed to suffocate me. My next memories would unfold as if I were in a dream. Others had arrived on the scene. God placing each one in the exact location they needed to be. Lori a nurse in the line of traffic behind who having a trauma kit in toe worked diligently to do what she could. Others prayed. I know this as I felt the energies and sincerity of their prayers. They gave me hope. They intertwined themselves to me and my Maker's presence keeping the darkness and death at bay. My cousin and my brother appeared on the scene as well. My cousin Chad held my brother at bay as he looked on the wreckage. "Jeremy there is no way I'm letting you any closer!" Chad screamed. My brother had gone into shock at seeing the mangled wreckage of his brother's car. Fate had spared my brother this day. Minutes before I had asked Jeremy to accompany me on my trip to town. He was unavailable at the time to make the journey so he stayed back at our home. If he would have taken the fateful trip he would have died at the scene. My passenger seat had a huge piece of the engine rammed through it. Jeremy would have been in that seat. Chad knew this as he passed my brother off onto some neighbors for care. Chad then ran to my side. I remember looking over after hearing him and asking him in my almost dream state "What happened man?" Chad's face was pale as he saw my predicament. I knew things were bad by the way Chad held his demeanor. He prodded and encouraged me to fight harder. Chad never left me, even when the emergency crews tried to chase him off. He was always a stubborn kind of guy. I admire his heart and determination. Even as I continued to fight what little fight I still possessed, the touch of my God grew stronger. He never left me that day. His presence continued to hold me and cradle me. Kevin Plantz a local fireman held the fire hose on my car. The decimated engine was sparking and he knew the fuel could ignite leaving me trapped in a blaze of pain and agony. I do not know the words to his prayer but God must have heard them loud and clear. A soft roll of thunder announced the storms presence. The clouds darkened and the very sky seemed to open up. The cool rain fell upon my face and seemed to give me refreshment. At this moment in my trial I welcomed any refreshment. The brief deluge cleared the spilt fuel from the road and saturated the engine. The sparking ended and hope seemed to hang in the air. However the storms sudden onslaught made the lifeflight chopper unable to land as it hovered over the fields. It was decided to move me to Holzer's and then life flight me to St. Mary's in Huntington West Virginia if at all possible. The emergency responders had gathering by the truck load as I became center of attention. I could feel my life was fading fast. Time was of the utmost importance. Each second that passed brought my death that much closer. Trooper Pack held me while they worked desperately to extricate me from the mangled wreckage. With each jolt, each movement I could feel my shattered bones grind harder against themselves. The pain seared my conscience as I drifted in and out. "It's going to get very noisy so just hang with me." Pack told me as they broke out the jaws of life. Suddenly the fading world came to a explosion of sound as the machine that worked to get me out shattered glass and cut through metal. It was as if a thrash metal concert was taking place inside my skull. Then complete silence replaced the former chaos. I felt the hands of the emergency crews immediately get to work at saving my life. Life was traded for something else, survival. I simply endured the pain. I embraced it, focusing on the presence that still intertwined itself to me. The spirit still held me, lifted me and gave me life. Life where there should have been none.

2011-07-28T13:20:00.000-07:00

Queen Arts
The summer seems to have come and gone in a mad dash this year. Something I plan on finding a remedy for in my life. As most of you who pay attention could tell my aim to avoid Facebook and online activity was an epic fail. Though I avoided numerous and annoying daily status updates I discovered the saddening fact that FB has become a necessary evil. I have numerous contacts that otherwise I cannot reach in that online society. Though I do plan to continue my limited time on FB and if possibly completely avoid the site with the exception of updates and contact messages. Life is turbulent and we make it more complicated than it needs to be. Bruce Lee is quoted as stating “If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.” I possibly more than most realize the precious nature of time in relation to life. My crash in 2004 left me with a great realization of how I had wasted so much of my life. I would love to state I learnt my lesson and moved on but reality as I see it is I still have much to learn. I feel so much of these past seven years have been wasted on fruitless and wasteful endeavors and activities. “It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.” ~ Bruce Lee Ah yes Mr. Lee was a plethora of knowledge and wisdom. I am in the process at hacking away at the unessential as we speak. We here in the U.S. have a life of excess. I am reminded of Mike Shinoda’s artwork of “Glorious Excess” if you haven’t checked out the work do so at http://mikeshinoda.com/category/glorious-excess-dies-artwork/ very captivating and amazing artwork and message there. I am a survivor so it is only natural I hack away at the excess until I only have what is needed for immediate survival. It will no doubt be a journey but alas I love a good journey. Speaking of journeys this summer has been filled with my share of journeys. I have danced along the tranquil sunset strip of St. Simon’s Georgia sweated with the masses as Disney in Orlando and found my zen at the beaches of St. Augustine FLA. Photos will come in time as I need to add some finesse to my photography.

Now on to the juicy bits. You may have notice the name is now Queen Arts. I had to adapt the name of my studio to include several aspects of my creative life. I wanted to create a simplified umbrella name to cover all of the creative aspects of my life, family and art. The end result of this process was Queen Arts. A name which will house a great many and different topics. One of which is my wife Christy. My wife and I now play and sing together as a group and often for our worship team at Sanctuary of Grace. We have included our music into the Altar Art performances on several occasions. Our music is a mixed bag of tunes varying from celtic worship tunes to modern christian songs. The music is pretty simplified and personal as I have no actual ability to play a musical instrument. I leave the music to my lovely wife and her amazing keyboard. My wife is also a blossoming writer. I am working on breaking her out of her protective shell and getting her works of word into the spotlight or at least her own blog. Her writings are usually parable wisdom for the current day. I often enjoy her insight into ordinary activities and how they relate to our great maker. Look for her blog coming soon to my new and updated website.

Another aspect is Altar Art. It never seemed to quite fit under my previous studios name of RogueWolf. For those of you who follow my performance series “Altar Art” I have been on a two month reprieve and have done some soul searching in the process. Before the reprieve I was at a point where I was questioning the existence of Altar Art. Basically I wanted to see if its time had come to an end. I have enjoyed my time performing for churches, concerts and youth groups but I wanted to be sure this was still the arena where my God needed me to be. I gave it time and gave it to Him. I pretty much figured if it was not meant to continue that I would receive no more inquiries into the performances. I received my answer early July with people interested in Altar Art performances after my time away. I am now booked with Altar Art through October. If you do not follow my performances please visit https://www.facebook.com/pages/L-Jason-Queen/24118716051 to see where my performance series will be. For those of you interested in booking me for an event please feel free to contact me via FB or jason@roguewolfstudios.com For those of you who have no idea what I am blathering on about see the following. Altar Art is a Christ centered worship series involving music art and spoken word. A painting (usually 4’x4’) is painted in front of the crowd to music that fits the mood of the performance. I often share with you my testimony about the accident of 2004 and getting “real” with my maker. If you bring me in wether it be a concert, youth group or you just want something fresh in your worship service the painting completed is yours to keep. Altar Art is very adaptable to your service I can play to your worship band, my own CD and now am pleased to announce my wife plays and sings with me on many of these performances. Just let me know what would best fit your needs. I DO NOT CHARGE ANYTHING FOR THESE PERFORMANCES that is not what this is about. It is about a true and honest worship experience with the Creator of All. I do however accept donations or love offerings in order to keep the paint flowing but it is not a necessity in order for me to show up. I leave that aspect up to those who book me for a show. If you want me to travel out of the immediate area, I am soooooo up for a journey but please give me plenty of time so that I can set aside expenses for the trip to wherever you are. I have paint and will travel is my motto. God is the artist I am simply one of His many brushes!

RogueWolf studios will not disappear completely. It is after all a given and earned name… My native name. RogueWolf will continue to be the personal aspect to my art and creations. My deviant account and most of my personal galleries will continue to fall under RogueWolf. In this aspect of my creative side you will find my paintings illustrations, blogs, poems and personal works of art. This past summer I have had the honor of working with some very cool people through RogueWolf studios. I created a book cover for the West Virginia Book Company to a book titled “Death Visits Canaan Valley by EDWIN DARYL MICHAEL”

http://roguewolfstudios.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d41ebhv
Death Visits Canaan Valley by ~RogueWolfStudios on deviant ARTwhich will be on shelves soon. I have also completed numerous logos for various companies and groups. I completed a personal work titled “Duality of Force” http://roguewolfstudios.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d3irnhf
Duality of Force by ~RogueWolfStudios on deviant ART for my Sci Fi Star Wars friends you should appreciate it. I am also in the process of joining the ranks of the Star Wars 501st legion. Some very cool costumes and props will be created in order to troop with this charitable group of people. A group that supports local and national causes to make a difference in the lives of people through the fun of Star Wars costuming. http://s1192.photobucket.com/albums/aa331/roguewolfstudios/

Now for some interesting RogueWolf news. I plan on continuing down the illustrative path that has been lain before me but will for the most part be working on a personal project. A personal project that returns me to my creative comic days. I am in the process of writing and illustrating a graphic novel. I am keeping tight wraps around most of the details surrounding this project but for the next year I will writing and illustrating a book concerning an original character and story line. I will leak sketches and pieces of work from time to time to further peak interest in this project. So stay tuned throughout the next year to see where this adventure leads. In addition to these fun facts I will be creating prints of past works for purchase to those interested in owning an original piece of my work. Looks for prints coming soon as well as galleries from my children Morgan and Maria!

On the personal front not relating to artwork my son and I earned the red sash from our Kung Fu school - Magic Fist where we have studied bled and sweated for the past 5-6 years. My journey to weight loss is doing great! To date I have lost almost 20 pounds since April (starting at 204 now at 185). A process I need to continue and achieve in order to undergo more surgeries on my knee. I am planning on receiving another robo-knee sometime in the next year. I would like to be in the best possible shape to endure this series of surgeries to increase my mobility and decrease the daily pain I live with. In order to do this my son and I have begun kettle bell workouts and weekly workout routines. It is a joy to work out with my son by my side! My spiritual life will be another blog as it goes deep and deserves its own space. Look for it soon! until then ….Peace and prayers my friends! ~ Jason

Mayhem to Come

2011-01-19T08:46:00.000-08:00

Greeting from RogueWolf! Hope the journey is treating everyone well. Things are pretty decent here in West Virginia, though it seems as eons have passed since we have had a brilliantly sun filled day. Thus I enshroud myself in darkness and create from my little studio in my ever darkening valley. I have posted two new works lately. One I consider a success (RogueWolf2011)
RogueWolf 2011 by *RogueWolfStudios on deviant ARTand one not so much (Worgen Hunter).
Worgen Hunter by *RogueWolfStudios on deviant ART I posted both on this gallery link here http://roguewolfstudios.deviantart.com/ to learn from my mistakes and take criticism on the nose. I so desperately need honest criticism from my viewers so please feel free to comment openly and not just stroke my ego. Harsh criticism is how I became an artist. It is what drove me to succeed in my schooling. It is what made my painting maestro fabulous. My painting maestro being one Stan (The Man) Sporny. Stan passed away a few years ago and I still miss his guidance and wisdom terribly. He was a poet, artist, political philosopher and over all amazing person. When he ripped my artwork apart I knew his harsh and honest criticism was only to make me better. During my senior portfolio review Stan promised to be by my side. I knew the faculty did not care much for my illustration styled paintings as they were a very liberal abstract campus. The day of my senior review came and when the faculty gathered around my work, Stan left. I received the beating of a lifetime from the faculty. I later asked Stan why he left to which he replied "I just gave you the greatest lesson I could give you...how to stand on your own two feet." Stan Sporny was my personal Yoda. Little did he realize a month later I would be the victim in a head on collision and almost lose my legs. During my rehabilitation his words rang loudly as I was learning to stand on my own two feet quite figuratively and physically. So being a huge Star Wars fan and always doodling with the idea of doing a Yoda painting I am currently researching the connection between all my many teachers and the zen wisdom of the little old green jedi I fell in love with as a child. Sketches will come soon as I believe I have pin pointed a direction for this painting. It should be an interesting and unique take on an old favorite. Beyond this I am planning a painting with my daughter. She has approached me with interest in being a (Queen of Faeries) for a portrait so I will be taking her young mind into the creative realm of Fairy lore. This may be a traditional piece or a digital piece and possibly both. I hope my viewers will find interest in these works to come. Please as always feel free to contact me, critique me or even throw ideas at me for future paintings. I am almost to he point where I can send my portfolio to companies and clients interested in my illustrations. After that the direction of RogueWolf studios should be interesting and non stop action! God Bless~ Jason

zen state of mind

2010-08-11T16:26:00.000-07:00

G'day everyone hope the world is spinning in the direction everyone would like. I have returned from yet another coastal expedition where I entertained my pirate alter ego for just a lil while. I captured some pretty amazing shots as I delved back into my photography. I will be uploading them as they become available. Enjoy the current uploads to my deviant gallery
Surfzen by *RogueWolfStudios on deviant ART

http://roguewolfstudios.deviantart.com/
is my current working gallery for those interested. Some upcoming dates for my art and performance art are as follows.

August 28th Ashland Kentucky I will be performing Altar Art at Youthfest 2010 "Rock the River' with Brian "head" Welch formally of Korn and my boyz RomansHighway. http://www.huntingtonit.com/youthfest/talentsearch.htm

September 18th 2010 I will be displaying my sci-fi artwork at the 2010 Mothman festival. I will have a few of my original pieces for sale if anyone is interested and yes I will have a few Mothman inspired pieces http://www.mothmanfestival.com/

October 17th 2010 I will be performing an Altar Art piece with special guest my lil bro Jeremy at my side. Gallia County fairgrounds, Gallipolis OH... more info to come on this gig!

I will also be creating a piece of work for a Frank Frazetta gallery tribute stay tuned to my deviant gallery for upcoming sketches. http://artorder.blogspot.com/2010/08/call-for-artists.html

Well that is about all for now God Bless .....simply, simplify!

News and Updates

2010-05-18T06:06:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone out there hope your journey is treating you well. Life is kickin at an enormously fast pace at the moment and yes I still suck horribly at keeping this blog up to date. In the upcoming months I will be redesigning the website and as many of you have stated my gallery will get a resurrection through this process. I am currently working on several portfolio pieces inspired from the game many of you know me from ...World of Warcraft. My next piece in this series involves a Worgen so stay tuned for the concept and sketch stages very soon. I am also loving creating with my maker during Altar Art performances. If you have never seen one of my live performances I invite you to come check it out and see what it's all about. For more info on my Altar Art performance series you can follow events scheduled for summer and fall here -> http://www.facebook.com/pages/L-Jason-Queen/24118716051?ref=ts

SO you may have noticed a new style developing in my artwork. What can I say I have been inspired by my many talented friends. One such friend introduced me to a old world way of creating digital artwork. I was pretty pleased with the end result of my first experiment into this new process. "LifePiper World of Warcraft Druid" began as an everyday common sketch up. I cannot stress again to those students that follow my work that reference material makes the difference. Always be aware and keep a large library of reference material so that you can easily go back and forth between real world and imagination.

WoW Druid, Lifepiper Sketch by ~RogueWolfStudios on deviant ART

After the initial sketch stage a traditional watercolor foundation is created. I keep the image in greys and introduce a large variation of lights and dark. Lighting and shadows play such a huge role in making artwork pop and I could go into some major in depth lessons learned from this painting about this very subject but alas I have a life to get back to. Patience is another key factor. Enjoy the process though it may seem tedious. Take your time give yourself to the journey of the artwork for it is in the journey we are most happy. If you get frustrated or burn out take time away. Often you will discover your recess from your work reveals some major insight into how to better the artwork.

WoW Druid, LifePiper Watercolo by ~RogueWolfStudios on deviant ART

Now that you patiently have created a base watercolor in traditional brush style the true fun begins. The art of taking traditional media and adding digital color and effects. I have a background in graphic arts but my masters is in traditional painting so the challenge of combing the two has always interested me. I take the watercolor which was 20"x30" and do a photo shoot with my canon. I make sure to take pics of the artwork in sections. This allows me to keep the photoshop file very large. I use photomerge to bring my sectioned pieces together and begin the process. I believe I ended up with between 70-80 layers for the final piece of my druid. The end result is pretty much along the idea I originally had for this piece. I do look forward to my next attempt at this new process with the Worgen.

WoW Druid - LifePiper by ~RogueWolfStudios on deviant ART

I hope you enjoy and I hope to see you again or write soon! Peace and prayers ~ Jason

2010 looks to be amazing!

2010-01-05T16:53:00.000-08:00

OK so I serious suck at keeping this blog up and running. So here goes my first attempt to update this thing at least once a month in 2010. Below are my most recent images. Both of which should be coming to a book shelf spring 2010. 2010 has a lot of projects lined up for me to complete along with some numerous personal projects that most should find interesting. )more to come on the personal art later) So for now enjoy the newest additions to my portfolio! L8R - Jason

Frost Dragon Thief by ~RogueWolfStudios on deviant ART

Mary Draper Ingles by ~RogueWolfStudios on deviant ART

Journey Day 3

2009-07-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

Day 3 consisted of more driving and some of the most incredible landscapes I could imagine. As we crossed into South Dakota the flat plains eventually gave way to beautiful rolling hills and then the quirky yet fascinating landscape of the badlands. It felt like a different world as we ventured through this new landscape. South Dakota has a beauty all it's own. We stopped by at the world famous Wall Drug Store. WoW! what an amazing place. It felt almost as if we entered Disney world or something of the sorts. I also saw my first N.C. Wyeth original work of art. It was everything and more I had imagined. Wyeth as one my greatest influences has a special place in my heart. To finally view one of his works was an incredible experience. Wall Drugs Store has such an incredible collection of art hanging on it's many walls. I am planning a trip back that way to further explore the badlands and the outstanding art collection. Tomorrow we will explore the Black Hills and the Mt. Rushmore area. Overall this has been a most incredible experience and I feel blessed by my maker in every step we have taken. I am however exhausted and going through two time changes has screwed me over. To sleep I go...more to come - prayers - Ja-

Day 2

2009-07-11T19:52:00.000-07:00

Today was another long drive! We crossed the Mississippi River which really was not much bigger than though Ohio but hey I can cross that one off the to do list. We drove through Illinois, Iowa and Minnesota stopping at some interesting sights along the way. We drove by my wife's grandfather's hometown and we remembered all the stories he told us of his days growing up in Iowa. It was good to remember such a great man. My wife and I shared many interesting thoughts on religion and spirituality as she read me the rest of my book "So you think you don't want to go to church anymore....an unexpected journey." Man what a great read! It has given us so much to discuss, dwell on and apply to our lives. It is so incredible to have God at the center of this journey. He never fails to amaze with nature's beauty. Overall it was a most excellent day. Tomorrow we should arrive in Rapid City and then on to the Black Hills where I will be doing some major photo shoots and exploration. Post more when I can- prayers

The Journey day 1

2009-07-10T19:31:00.000-07:00

day 1
Today was a long drive. We started out around 7:00 a.m. from Gallipolis and drove several hundred miles to wherever we are at in Illinois. I found the transforming landscape quite fascinating. As we left the rolling hills of southern Ohio we exchanged the quaint beauty for the ever flattening landscape of the mid-west. Myself being somewhat secluded in my life, have never travelled farther west than the Smoky Mountains. Today was my first day in the flat lands of Indiana and Illinois. To say I felt unnerved would be an understatement. I live in a beautiful valley in the large foothills of West Virginia. I thrive in my hills. There I feel safe and secure. There I know how to survive. In these flat lands of Illinois I feel completely exposed and out of place. It is interesting to look off into the distant landscape and wonder just how far you are actually viewing. The landscape though for the most part is cornfields and farms. I found myself having to look hard for anything interesting and out of the ordinary. I enjoyed this day of hard driving though and look forward to the rest of the journey. Our destination in a general sense is the Black Hills of South Dakota. Where the journey goes from there is up to the journey. I am bound to follow wherever it leads and fear I could find myself lost in the beauty of America for months as I realized just how close my journey brings me to the Rocky mountains. Time and funds will tell how long this adventure will continue. I thank God for a safe and blessed day where I had new scenery and great conversation with my lovely wife. Mark my friend your verse has us boggled but lead to such interesting discussions....thanks for stirring our thoughts! I am exhausted though so off to dream land I escape...more tomorrow.

Calypso

2009-06-30T06:46:00.000-07:00

Hello again from my realm where I am lost somewhere between reality and fiction. I have completed the first painting since my surgery. "Calypso" yet another addition to my current exploration into mythology. "Calypso" is currently on exhibit at the French Art Colony in Gallipolis Ohio.

Calypso by ~RogueWolfStudios on deviant ART

In July I will be taking several excursions to fresh landscapes in hopes of capturing some interesting photography and painting ideas. I am currently just enjoying my summer and I hope you are enjoying yours!

News

2009-03-16T11:28:00.000-07:00

Hey there everyone hope the world is treating you well. I thought I would drop you a line and let everyone know how the art world of roguewolfstudios is going. First the Altar Art event with Romans Highway was an incredible experience! I believe we had over 270 people in attendance. The guys from the band are an incredible bunch of guys to hang with, it was a privilege to create with you! They will be having a CD release party soon check out http://www.myspace.com/romanshighway for more info!

I have been Featured! One of my latest works titled "Monkey King Steampunk" has been featured here http://news.deviantart.com/article/73185/ Thanks for the feature!

For the next few weeks I will be in and out of the studio. I will be having knee replacement surgery very soon and will be splitting my time between rehab and art. Stay tuned though as I am currently working on a 48"x36" painting titled "Roman's Highway" a painting inspired by the above mentioned bands name and the upcoming Easter season. I am also kicking out a few children's book illustrations for a friend and some World of Warcraft portfolio pieces. I will post when I can for your viewing pleasure!

Peace and prayers!

Play On Captain Stan

2008-11-08T05:58:00.000-08:00

I can't pick up a brush without thinking of the man. The man we all knew as "Captain Stan" His colors were vibrant his brushstrokes the same. He saw with a vision that few could explain. His honesty refreshing his comments sublime. If you needed a friend well Stan made the time. As we sat in the hallways of musty old main, this brilliant old man could drive you insane, with political chatter of the world's rights and wrongs then you would look around you and see you were only one of his throng. Like gravity he pulled you to him but he never weighted you down. He could set your mind free with his guitar's unique sound. So when I shall paint now an Ode I will sing! To Stan the Man Sporny the grey headed king! You are missed Captain Stan!

Stan Sporny playing Guitar in his studio from delano on Vimeo.

Happy November 5th

2008-11-05T15:52:00.000-08:00

Somehow in the comical cosmic sense of things it is humorous and a bit obscure that today is November 5th. I find it only fitting to bemuse you with a quaint clip from a political idealist. Enjoy!

He took the words right from my mouth.

Lessons from the paint 1

2008-10-29T14:05:00.000-07:00

As an artist I am constantly up to my elbows in paint. I began my artistic career at the age of 8 although I remember creating art since I could hold a crayon. The act of creation still amazes me. It is one of the most basic and connecting aspects of all humanity. Everyone in some form or fashion creates. It's part of who God made us to be. Lately I have stopped listening to the noise of life and the murmurs of those who would have me walk their path and not my own. I have started listening to an amazing Creator who is just as willing to hang with you under a tree and watch the leaves fall as he is to sit by your side in a church service. My friend, father and Lord has recently revealed what I have come to call "Lessons from the Paint"

Lessons from the Paint are those incredible God moments where the creator of the universe bends down for just a second to reveal something so simple yet so profound. These lessons usually show as I have splattered paint from ear to ear and have entered the sacred silence of painting. This sacred silence is my deep meditative state where I exist in a different place and time. Minutes fade into hours as I live in this state of mind and the creator uses this brush of clay to make his art. That is something very important to remember before we continue - "I am just the brush, someone greater than myself is the painter. Give praise to the one who deserves praise" -Anyway I feel it only fair to share these wonderful moments with those who would listen or in this case...read.

Everyone has tried those little paint by number pieces of art sometime in their life. They are a fun and basic way of learning to paint. The thing is if you did absolutely nothing but paint by the numbers you would never truly learn to paint for yourself. You would in a sense limit the Creator because you were trying to walk in someone else's lines. Lines that constrict you to an acceptable level of creativity. Much like how the world wants to constrict you to a socially acceptable level of worship or joy. So many times in church or even in everyday life we only worship or truly connect with our God when directed to by the "lines". The lines are those who want to control us and fashion us into what they want us to be. I have listened to the "lines" for so long now. I once upon a time attempted to be what they wanted me to be. The thing about becoming one of them is you are not becoming ...well, YOU.

I can paint just about in any style or fashion I chose. It was part of my training as a professional artist. I can copy great masterpieces from the past and they can come pretty close to looking like a copy. Though I may be influenced from these great works of art, my art never truly becomes my own until I find my "style". It took my awhile to find my painterly style through experimentation and many many mistakes. Then one day it came in the painting "Morgan's World" I just relaxed into the painting and something greater than myself took over. I discovered that the creative process is in a sense linking into the one who is the Creator. This process is understanding your mistakes your failures and letting something greater take the reigns and guide you. This is the true creative process, at least for me. This experience is not a process that is constricted by laws and traditions but a process that is completely open and truthful. I am overcome with such an amazing sense of kinship with my Creator when I paint. It always astonishes me how he can take my complete disasters and transform them into something incredibly beautiful.

This revelation came to me as I was sitting trying to paint from a stencil on a wall mural. It was such a basic pattern when He reached down and said almost humorously "You are one of "My" painters and you're painting from a stencil? It would be so much better if you would just relax into the brush strokes and enjoy the process." So I relaxed, let myself surrender to something greater and painted. Would you like to know what happened? I made mistakes. Some lines were thicker and some thinner some even went way out of the stencil area. It was not a perfect painting but it was a painting that was done with my Creator. The finished product looked pretty cool. Sure if you looked close and wanted to you could see those mistakes. But when you stand back and look at the whole picture it's quite beautiful.

Like my painting I have made my mistakes. If you wanted to you could find and point out my mistakes but when I stand back and look at the whole picture I see the paint covered hand print of a God who loves me beyond imagining. I tried to stay in the "Lines" but it wasn't until I surrendered to the greatest painter did I learn my true style. A style that has influences from great painters but is still being who He made me to be. "I am not the next of them.... I am the first of me." Hoobastank once sang. I can attempt to walk to the "lines" beat, their mind sets and their pathway or chose the path that is less travelled. I choose to listen to the one who is greater than all combined, the one who travels the pathway with me. If I don't meet your expectations or prerequisites I am NOT sorry because greater is he that is in me, than he that is in the world.1 John 4:4 . I take the path less travelled and that my friends has made all the difference.

Marshall mourns loss of professor, artist - News

2008-10-24T06:50:00.000-07:00

Marshall mourns loss of professor, artist - News

Where to start? Stan Sporny friend and teacher passed into the great beyond this week. I studied with Stan for 8 years and received my MA in illustration and painting from his guidance and knowledge. He was one of the reason I loved Marshall University and the art of painting. He was my maestro in every sense of the word. I still hear his voice every time I paint just as he guided me through all my years of study. He was an adventurer, musician, artist, political philosopher and a great guy to know. I will miss you my friend!

Citizen Soldier

2008-09-14T10:12:00.000-07:00

WoW! What an incredible video and song! I have never been one for politics and I so hate it when grown adults act like children in the political arena. Let's just leave the name calling, mudslinging, finger pointing and taddle telling to the kindergardeners. Where I do find soul, heart, love and patriotism is in the soldiers who so incredibly make sacrifices daily so our selfish politicians can have that freedom. Soldiers you have my respect and admiration. One of my life's greatest regrets is never serving this country in the military as my father and my grandfather's did. Soldiers are the reason we are who we are! We owe you our respect and admiration. Our prayers and thoughts are with you!

This year's election is very important concerning the future of this nation. We have one with experience and military service in a time when our country so needs a leader with these traits and the other who seems to cozy up to a more socialist agenda and future for our country. The possibilities of this country forgetting our original freedoms is daunting. I fear for our security and future as a nation if we chose unwisely this election. In the end you decide and your fate is of your own making. I for one chose McCain/Palin the other option is just flat out frightening to consider.

2008-06-20T14:46:00.000-07:00

Inscriptions of Raistlin by ~RogueWolfStudios on deviant ART

My latest work is of one of my favorite characters from fiction, Raistlin Majere. I have always said if you understand Raist then you understand a piece of me.

Raistlin is best described as the archetypal antihero or tragic hero. He is a Wizard of High Sorcery, bearing the Red Robes of Neutrality, marking him as a worshiper of the Red Moon, Lunitari. In the five years in which the future Heroes of the Lance go their separate ways, Raistlin, after taking the test in the Tower of Wayreth, has changed. He has acquired golden skin, which offers him strong protection against magical attack, and is cursed by Par-Salian, the head of the Mages Conclave on Krynn, with hourglass eyes, which cause him to see Time as it affects all things. (This appearance was originally invented by Dragonlance cover artist Larry Elmore, "because it would look just great"[1]). His body is wrecked and he becomes even more sickly and physically weak than before. In Raistlin’s vision, all things wither and die before him; though longer lived races, such as Elves, are said to only appear to age slightly, while the Irda do not age to him at all. Physically far weaker than his twin brother Caramon, a strong and skilled warrior and swordsman, Raistlin makes up for this deficiency with his skills in the magic, the height of which never ceases to shock his companions throughout the first quest, as more and more of his great power become apparent.

A torn individual, Raistlin exhibits a strong superiority complex (as far as his power in magic and his intelligence were concerned), and knows nothing of true loyalty (Despite his lack of loyalty,Raistlin usually keeps his promises and pays his debts). He only follows Tanis Half-Elven, the unofficial leader of the companions, because he feels that doing so will ultimately benefit him. He is also condescending, extremely resents his lack of physical strength and often relies on his twin brother for support. This generates feelings of resentment and jealousy more than feelings of affection and gratitude. To be exact, Raistlin harbors a secret hate for his twin’s physical power, and for the attention and comradeship it seems to earn him, which Raistlin’s own appearance and secretive nature denies him.

2004 my testimony, trial by existance

2008-06-17T07:56:00.000-07:00

June 14th, 2004. A day that started as any other would. I woke up. I went to work. It was just an ordinary day as far as I knew. That all changed on my way to deliver some of my artwork to an exhibition. A very unexpected event took place. I was involved in an incident that would forever alter life. The vehicle I was driving was struck by a truck that went left of center. The girl driving side swiped the vehicle in front of me before colliding with me head on. My vehicle was instantly crushed and I was trapped in twisted metal and broken glass. I did not realize it at the time but I had sustained life threatening injuries. I do not remember many things concerning the accident, but, over time pieces to this puzzle have returned. I was in shock but certain things can never be forgotten. I remember gasping for breath and not finding any. I remember being pinned by the steering wheel. I remember asking for someone, anyone to help me. I remember a pain no description could do justice. But more importantly I remember among all the chaos the calming presence I know as God. In my most desperate and darkest hour the hand that created the universe reached down from heaven to hold me.

Deuteronomy 4
29 But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul. 30 When thou art in tribulation, and all these things are come upon thee, even in the latter days, if thou turn to the LORD thy God, and shalt be obedient unto his voice; 31 (For the LORD thy God is a merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them. ……40 Thou shalt keep therefore his statutes, and his commandments, which I command thee this day, that it may go well with thee, and with thy children after thee, and that thou mayest prolong thy days upon the earth, which the LORD thy God giveth thee, for ever.

As I look back on the scene, I understand that it was an impossibility that someone should have survived such an accident. By all the laws of nature and science I should have died at the scene. I also understand that nothing is impossible with my God and that he is above the laws of nature and science. You must understand that God in all his infinite wisdom had placed just the right people in just the right places. I would have bled out from the damage to my legs if not for the state trooper who would show up in mere minutes and the trauma nurse who had been placed in the line of traffic behind me. I would have passed out and possibly died if not for the efforts of that state trooper. A person who wether he knows it or not became a tool and in a sense a channel for God's ultimate power. You see my car damaged, shattered, twisted and broken lay underneath the truck. Officer Pack miraculously opened the hatchback to my Eclipse, which should have never opened in its condition and crawled his way through the twisted metal and broken glass to support my body. I remember feeling that it would be so easy to drift off and sleep. I remember him telling me that if I drift off I would die. I scarcely remember his face but to this day I know his voice. He stayed with me the entire time even when they used the jaws of life to cut me out. He stayed and talked me through the darkest valley I had ever entered. Without his efforts and his anchor of encouragement I believe I would have died then and there. I knew God was instrumental in the use of Trooper Pack and the trauma nurse. Emergency teams showed up on the scene and I commend them for their life saving actions. A life flight helicopter was called to the scene to transport me to St. Mary's. Before they could land to transport me, an intense thunder storm came upon the scene making things impossible for the chopper to land. I believe trooper Pack told me to hang on a bit longer and that someone up there was putting up one heck of a fight for me. So I laid there bleeding and dying as lightning crashed and thunder rolled. But, I held on. Not because of my strength or willpower but because of the calming presence that surrounded me and encompassed me. I would later explain to my wife that God's presence was there. When she told me she understood, I told her she did not and that "God was there with me. He really was." You see my God is an awesome God. I believe he permitted the accident to happen. Why? Only he knows, but I know enough to trust in his wisdom and his will. I also believe he allowed me a glimpse of his presence that day. That day he permitted me to live a bit longer. I have learnt life is not something you are deserving of it is a gift that all to often is taken for granted. For one thing is a certainty among everyone, old and young alike. That certainty is physical death. I did not realize how close death was on that sunny day in June.

I was eventually removed from the wreck and transported to Holzer Hospital where the life flight chopper would take me on to St. Mary's trauma unit. The story from here is told from what my wife explained to me. I would remember nothing of my surroundings for 24 days. Once in the trauma center they discovered the depth of my injuries. My injuries consisted of a concussion, a broken jaw bone, two broken ribs, one of which punctured and collapsed a lung, the other lacerated my liver. I was bleeding internally. My legs sustained crippling injuries. My left leg received a fractured femur, a dislocated knee, tendon, cartilage, ligament damage and arterial damage among many other things. My right leg received a femur fracture, a dislocated knee, tendon and ligament damage and a compound fracture of the tibia and fibula. Both my legs were as close to amputation as legs could get. Witnesses described my legs as simply hanging together by muscle and tissue. I was told Dr. Wolfer explained that it was a high possibility that I would lose my legs. I was told she asked my son if he prayed and when he told her yes that she said "then pray for your daddy". I know he did as I know others did. My church has what we call a prayer chain. Within hours they had people from many churches in the area praying for me and within days there were people from Oregon to Maryland to Florida praying. God listens to the faithful. This I assure you. As I am the result of faithful prayer. A few days later the elders of my church were brought together and John a very good friend of mine stood in my place to be anointed as the Bible states for healing purposes. I thank each and everyone who lifted up my name to the Lord above, for your prayers were heard and they were answered. Prayer is the reason I remain among you. Many say God has a purpose for my life. I know this to be true as he has a purpose for each of our lives. God and God alone knows the reasons for the accident and the reasons for my survival. He is after all what he is, and that is God Almighty.

Joshua 24:15 - And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

The doctors decided that I should be put into a controlled coma and paralyzed in order for my liver to repair itself. I had to have 19 units of blood from my internal injuries. It was during this time I turned inward and for a lack of a better word... dreamed. Have you ever had a dream in which you could not tell reality from dream state. A dream that you felt was indeed some form of reality. I had many dreams during this time. If you have ever seen the movie the "Dust Factory" then you get a glimpse of what I encountered. A place I knew for a short time that was as real as the world you know now. I visited many places and many people. I had a journey to make and so I made it. The one dream I will describe to you involves a choice. I was taken before two powers. One, a calm presence of power, wisdom and love. The other, a churning powerful force of chaos an unbridled fury. I was told I had served both well but the time to choose had come. And so I chose. I believe this was where I stood in the presence of my Lord and my adversary. You may laugh and say it was nothing more than a drug induced state. That does not make the encounter any less real. I know what I experienced. I know more than anyone why I saw what I did. I know as I trembled in their presences that these were beings beyond my comprehension. I know the choice I made then and there effected what would become of me in the future. For many days my life was touch and go. During this time I went through several surgeries and my body through several trials. Due to my injuries and swelling on my stomach they actually left my stomach open. The doctors would pack my liver to help ease the bleeding. My stomach was covered with a wound vac but could not be closed at that time due to swelling. For my legs I received various rods, screws and pins that served to hold my legs back into a some what proper place. I eventually had a tracheotomy to help me off the ventilator. I also had a blood clot that threatened my life. I had the risk of infection. I had the risk of my liver not healing. I had fevers. I had many things that threatened my life. But through all this I had God and the prayers of the faithful. He never failed me. In my dream state I believe I walked a fine line between this world and the next. I journeyed in that place and when my tests and trials were complete I slowly began to return to this world. Though they had me on enough sedatives to take down a horse I began to awake.

As time passed my body began to slowly heal. Reality came and went as my body healed. For many days coming out of my coma I had a hard time knowing reality from my dream state. I knew I had received serious injuries but just how serious was beyond my comprehension. Many saw the evidence of divine intervention in my healing. The sisters of St. Mary's referred to me as the "miracle boy". A doctor would later tell me "People who show up with your injuries usually never leave." and another would tell my wife, "Whatever it is you are praying for, keep praying." You see we often forget that God is the creator the all powerful being of the universe. He is the one and only one that is in control. He made us from dust and he alone has the power to fix whatever is broken in us. Although we in our arrogance believe we have supreme control. Our only control is choice. The choice to be of God or against God. The decision is our to make. The sooner we realize this the better our lives will be. When I fully awoke, I awoke to the most helpless feeling a person could experience. I could not move due to my leg injuries. I could not talk due to the tracheotomy. I was to weak to do basic things like bathing and shaving. During this time I learned to fully rely on the strength of God. He showed me he is everything I was not. I clung to him like a baby would it's mother. I was humbled in a most extreme way. Though I was a Christian and thought myself close to him I began to understood just how much darkness was in my life and how much closer I needed to be to him. I knew I was not ready to stand and face his judgement for my life. I rededicated my life to him, a life I should not have. I had so many things to deal with at this time. I had anger. I had confusion. I had doubts. I had depression. I had pain. I had questions. I had a lot of questions. How could the life I knew be torn away by a complete stranger? How would I provide for my family? Was I going to ever walk again? How come I lived when others die? Why was I so fortunate when my cousin Chris was not? My mind flooded with things of this nature. In my condition I was unable to do anything but give all this to God. I remember thinking "God you have brought me this far please deal with all this as I cannot." That is exactly what he wanted me to do. Sadly it is when we are down on our backs that we have no place to look but up. We should look up more often and come to understand just how great our God really is. The hospital scene became old very very quickly. I so desperately wanted my home, my sanctuary, my own earth. I would end up spending a total of 39 days in the Hospital 24 of which were in the ICU. But eventually, I went home.

Upon arriving home I felt like a stranger in a foreign land. My living room had been transformed into a temporary hospital room. I had to be transported by ambulance as I still had no strength and could not weight bare on my own legs. Due to my injuries they installed an external fixator to my let leg to keep it together. Nurses came and went, caring for me and setting me up for home care. Though I had survived and now was sure I would live on I still had many trials ahead. I began home therapy in August. The therapy to regain strength in my arms and legs. Therapy preparing me to walk again. I can hardly describe to you how weak I became. God an I had many talks. Sleep was difficult to say the least. Therapy was close to impossible. Pain became an everyday occurrence. In therapy they would begin to bend my legs and work my muscles. Something that sounds so simple to tell it to you today but back then, simplicity was not an option. The pain would take me to my breaking point. I would often scream out as the pain coursed through my broken limbs. As I said God and I had many talks. My concentration during therapy would often be through prayer. I discovered that there was a point where the body gives out and spirit takes over. Always in my soul God was there pushing me urging me to dig deeper. I found the strength to do what was required of me through the love of my family and my God. I discovered that strength goes deeper than the physical aspect. I discovered where true strength came from. A strength I had never felt before, strength which came from a higher power. But with the voice of God in my life came the voice of the adversary. His voice came as more a soft whisper. His was the easy road. It would have been so easy to give up. It would have been so easy to blame God. It would have been so easy to hate the world. If not for God and family I may have chosen that easy path. However, I did not. I chose everyday to face my therapy. I chose everyday to take the pain. A nurse once told me to appreciate the pain because it let me know I still had legs to feel pain. I chose to channel the pain into nothingness. I chose to strengthen not only my body but my soul. I played my part in the everyday battle that surrounded me. Therapy and pain became an everyday occurrence. Eventually, I grew so sick of being tortured day in and day out. The whisper grew louder. The depression grew deeper. I wanted to give in so many times but I always went back to my choice in the dream. I had given my choice then and I would stay by my decision. I chose God. God had never given up on me and I would not give up on him. We faced the coming trials with an unusual closeness. I faced more surgeries. I faced more things than I knew I could handle. I could have never survived any of this without the grace of God. He gave me strength when I needed it. He gave me encouragement when I doubted. When I could not provide for my family, he provided. His promises are never broken. His word is still his word. And so therapy continued as with the doctor visits and the daily routine of healing. Then came the day I was to stand for the first time in months. A day I will never forget. Somewhere in my mind I imagined simply standing up. Life however is not that simple. The therapists prepared me against the kitchen sink as I needed something to brace myself upon. When I first went to stand the impact of reality almost overcame me. It felt as though I was one with the ground. I felt as though I had thousands of sandbags pulling me back into my wheelchair. I doubted, and as I doubted I heard the whisper of the adversary turn into a scream. You will never walk.! You will never run.! You can't do this! You will fail! Sit back down and stay down! It was then I heard God. His voice gentle and calm. "Stand. Get up."And so, I stood. more by his grace than my strength. I stood against that kitchen faucet and with the help of God defied the very devil who made mankind to fall. I then began to understand just how miraculous my Jesus, my God was when he walked this earth. How powerful he was to say "Arise take up thy bed and walk" You see it is not a simple thing to do. But as I said before with my God the impossible becomes possible. I doubt you could ever truly understand the grasp of that miracle until you have experienced the loss of your own legs. But know this, my God healed the lame when he was upon this earth and he heals the lame to this very day. My legs are the proof of this assurance. The age of miracles has not yet come to an end. After this event I was exhausted spiritually and physically. I broke down on my wife as the reality of what I had to look forward to set in. My journey to walking again had only just begun.

Why did all this happen, I do not know but I know what God spoke to Job in chapter 38 and I trust my Lord enough to know he has greater understanding.

4 Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding. 5 Who hath laid the measures thereof, if thou knowest? or who hath stretched the line upon it? 6 Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? or who laid the corner stone thereof; 7 When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy? 8 Or who shut up the sea with doors, when it brake forth, as if it had issued out of the womb? 9 When I made the cloud the garment thereof, and thick darkness a swaddlingband for it, 10 And brake up for it my decreed place, and set bars and doors, 11 And said, Hitherto shalt thou come, but no further: and here shall thy proud waves be stayed? 12 Hast thou commanded the morning since thy days; and caused the dayspring to know his place; 13 That it might take hold of the ends of the earth, that the wicked might be shaken out of it? 14 It is turned as clay to the seal; and they stand as a garment. 15 And from the wicked their light is withholden, and the high arm shall be broken. 16 Hast thou entered into the springs of the sea? or hast thou walked in the search of the depth? 17 Have the gates of death been opened unto thee? or hast thou seen the doors of the shadow of death? 18 Hast thou perceived the breadth of the earth? declare if thou knowest it all.

My Grandfather's Journey, Honoring an old Warrior

2008-06-17T07:48:00.000-07:00

The day came as any other would. Night faded as the slowly approaching dawn chased the sleepy stillness of the world away. The first snow of winter softly fell from the heavens to lay gently upon the earth. I stood in the darkness of my home and watched the transformation of my world. I knew my vision would never be the same after this day. My mind, heavy from the events that unfolded before me, returned me to years long past. To the days long ago when I stalked through wilderness with my grandfather. My grandfather was a man above most men, equal in my eyes only to my own father. He would often take my cousin and I into the wild to pass on his wisdom of the woods to young eager minds. I learned to walk and hunt in silence, watching a master and learning to track sign and animal behavior from a man who seemed so at home in this wooded world. As a patient teacher he watched and waited for my mistakes, eager to take the opportunity to teach me further. We walked for hours on the trails that crisscrossed the hillsides of south eastern Ohio. I always wondered what adventures would await us over the next crest of earth. There was always an adventure to be found in those days. I so loved those days and those adventures. I long for them now. My mind returns from past events to the here and now and my heart saddens. My grandfather, my friend, my teacher, my guide and my light now begins an adventure that I cannot yet follow him on. The events of the previous days unfold before me as I once again sink into memories. I remember reading the Bible to my grandfather and signing Christmas tunes to him by his hospital bed. He finished the verses before I finished reading them as he had dedicated so much of God's word to memory. I saw the joy on his face as he soaked up every second of his God's grace. I remember this man of God in his last prayer. Even in the pain he praised the Creator. Thanking God for his life, his children and his grandchildren. He asked forgiveness for those times he had failed, for he knew no man was perfect. He asked God to still use him. Though he knew his hours were few he prayed for strength to reach a lost soul by what life he had left. I remember when speech had left him. His sight reached into a world that I could not see. Often he would reach into the heavens to praise an unseen savior. Like a marathon runner at the end of his race he raised his arms in victory. His breathing toward the end became labored. His last words were uttered when my uncle asked what he saw. "Mom" grandfather whispered. Though death was near, he lingered on for a time. He seemed to be enjoying the walk of the veil from life to death. It must have been a beautiful journey for his eyes showed us wonders beyond our imaginations. Somewhere inside I knew this would be his last day. I saw it fitting that God blessed this day with the first snow of the season. It somehow seemed hallowed. The day passed slowly. Snow gently fell most of the day. The sun hid it's warmth. An unusual chill seemed to reach into the deepness of my bones. Toward evening when all had said their farewells, my grandfather the mighty warrior passed through the veil of death and entered eternity. My tears joined the snow flakes as I mourned the passing of this great man. I was deeply honored to be have been a part of this journey.

Grandfather my heart aches for you. I pray you well on your journey. May you learn those paths of heavens hills. May we someday be reunited to walk those paths and seek new adventures. Your teachings and love will never be forgotten. You have been a light to me in dark hours. "I'm praying for you Jay!" you once said to me. Those words ring through my mind as I remember the time I once fought for life on this world. You reached out with your love and prayers as the medics who thought me to be dying took me to the helicopter. I knew your prayers had power as I could feel them fall around me. I know somewhere on the other side of eternity you are still praying. I can only say now as I said then "Keep praying Papa! Keep praying!" I will always love you!

Chapter 1 - My True Story

2008-06-15T17:23:00.001-07:00

The vehicles collided. The impact sending shock waves of sickening horror through it's victims. Sounds of twisting metal and breaking glass pounded across the country side like a massive explosion. Bones snapped and flesh ripped. Blood began to pour as life began to fade. The cause? A young girl's inexperience and carelessness. It would have taken her only a moment to pull off the road to answer the cell phone but the cost of those precious moments would cost me a lifetime. In an instant two strangers literally impacted one another's life. Had fate led to this day? Was this divine province? Was there purpose in the pain? The agonizing pain. It tore through me with waves of agony. My mind seared with the intense pain. It purged me of conscious thought. There was a intense stabbing pain in my side. It felt like a serrated blade being pushed deeper and deeper into me with each breath. I tried to shallow my breathing but the pain only increased. My legs were crushed I could barely recognize them broken and trapped beneath the mangled dashboard. They had been severed from most of my body. Little did I realize they hung to me by a few tendons and pieces of flesh. Every attempt at movement ground my broken bones together, causing more intense agony. My ribs tore my inner organs, one puncturing a lung, the other lacerating my liver. Blood poured from every inch of my body like a raging stream. I will never forget the scent of blood to this day. The harsh metallic scent permeated everything in my confined state. My life's fuel dripped into my eyes stinging them with even more agony. I felt weakness quickly overcome my conscious state as I rapidly lost blood. I felt the world fade and something else take it's place. Something beyond the comprehension of everything I had ever known. My life force faded quicker with each passing moment. "Please help me!" I screamed. "Someone please help me!' I bellowed with an exhausted breath. It would have been so easy to slip into the sleep of death. Death's pull felt so strong and intense. It welcomed me with open arms. I fought to hold on as I ripped the cross from my neck. I held it in my palm with what strength I still possessed. "God, save me!" That was all I could say, my strength was gone. It was at that moment it happened. Something beyond understanding was unleashed. It's presence enveloped me completely. It cradled me like a mother would hold an infant. "God?" I rasped. I could feel some inner part of me recognize the presence that now surrounded me. My soul knew it's creator. Though I could still feel the pain it became almost distant as I was held. Though I was dying, I was at peace. The presence intertwined itself to me. It gave me the life force I so desperately needed to survive. My veins were almost empty but still I lived, still I breathed.

"Hang on son! Hang on!" screamed the state trooper as he crawled through the twisted metal to support my body. "What happened?" I asked the officer. "You've been in an accident, just hold on, we need to get you out of here."The trooper replied "Was it my fault?" I asked wearily. "No son you're on your side of the road you're the victim here just hang on." the trooper said as he called for backup. I could feel myself beginning to fade. It would have been so easy to slip into the sleep that now welcomed me. "Stay with me! Do not go to sleep! If you sleep you die!" He screamed. I looked at the trooper through a blurry haze. I could hardly see due to the blood that poured into my eyes. "Am I going to die?" I asked not really understanding my own question. "Not on my highway, not today." The trooper stated with a certain amount of faith that helped encourage me to fight harder. "what's your name?" the trooper asked trying to lighten the situation. "Jason." I murmered. I faded in an out of the world as the valiant trooper worked to save me. The feeling of drowning in darkness was so strong. It would have been incredibly easy to pass into the darkness that seemed to suffocate me. Each time I almost gave in the trooper would awaken me with shouts of encouragement or light smacks. He became the anchor I needed to the world of the living. The trooper continued to pushed me back from the precipice of death. He battled with death himself that day and fought a most valiant fight. I can never thank him enough for his actions and honor.

Others soon arrived on the scene. The firemen, the medics, the first responders all began to appear as if summoned by some mystical force. My cousin and my brother appeared on the scene as well. My cousin Chad held my brother at bay as he looked on the wreckage. "Jeremy there is no way I'm letting you any closer!" Chad screamed. My brother had gone into shock at seeing the mangled wreckage of his brother's car. Fate had spared my brother this day. Minutes before I had asked Jeremy to accompany me on my trip to town. He was unavailable at the time to make the journey so he stayed back at our home. If he would have taken the fateful trip he would have died at the scene. My passenger seat had a huge piece of the engine rammed through it. Jeremy would have been in that seat. Chad knew this as he passed my brother off onto some neighbors for care. Chad then ran to my side. I remember looking over after hearing him and asking "What happened man?" Chad's face was pale as he saw my predicament. I knew things were bad by the way Chad held his demeanor. He prodded and encouraged me to fight harder. Chad never left me, even when the emergency crews tried to chase him off. He was always a stubborn kind of guy. I admire his heart and determination. Stubborness must run in my family as I refused to give in to death's pull. Even as I continued to fight I still felt the touch of my God. He was another person who never left me that day. His presence continued to hold me and cradle me. Some would later say I had asked where the "guy" went. When they asked "What guy?" I would simply reply the one who was in the crash with me. Was the "guy" the trooper, Chad or some unseen hand that held mine? I may never know but I know the spirit that intertwined itself to me was real and far beyond my understanding.

The emergency responders were gathering by the truck load as I became center of attention. I could feel my life was fading fast. Time was of the utmost importance. Each second that passed brought my death that much closer. The trooper whose name I would later be told was Pack, held me while they worked desperately to extricate me from the mangled wreckage. With each jolt, each movement I could feel my shattered bones grind harder against themselves. The pain seared my conscience as I drifted in and out. "It's going to get very noisy so just hang with me." Pack told me as they broke out the jaws of life. Suddenly the fading world came to a explosion of sound as the machine that worked to get me out shattered glass and cut through metal. It was as if a thrash metal concert was taking place inside my skull. Then complete silence replaced the former chaos. I felt the hands of the emergency crews immediately get to work at saving my life. Life was traded for something else, survival. I simply endured the pain. I embraced it, focusing on the presence that still intertwined itself to me. The spirit still held me, lifted me and gave me life. Life where there should have been none.

Eventually I was freed from the mangled disaster. Transported to the closest hospital where the doctors went to work. They repaired the damage to my arteries and stemmed the flow of blood. However, being a small town hospital there was little else they could do."We need to get him to a trauma center" Dr. Hollingsworth screamed. "Life flight is in route!' replied another doctor. "Hang on Jason." The doctor stated. "Hang on a bit longer" I remembered through the haze of twisted memories faces and voices, some familiar others strange as I was carried from the hospital to the flight pad. "Jason your family is here." stated a nurse. I couldn't see them but I could feel their presence as I passed them in the hallway. My grandfather yelled out "We're praying for you Jay." "Keep praying papa" I whispered back through fear and tears. As they rushed me from the hospital to the flight pad I could feel the prayers fall around me. I could also feel the crisp coolness of the early summer air in the night. It gave me some comfort. I welcomed any comfort.

My family followed me to the flight pad. There were cries and whispers and of course questions. "Is he going to make it?" My mother asked. I could just hear the polite response of doctor. "We don't know, we just don't know. You can only pray now.". I do not remember her but they tell me she just appeared. She walked up to me. She came out of nowhere dressed in flowing black clothes. She approached with an unearthly grace. "May I anoint Jason before you take him?" She asked politely. Seeing no objections she moved to my side and removed a small vial of oil. She traced the pattern of the cross on my forehead as she uttered the most beautiful prayer. "You have a destiny to fulfill young one." She whispered in my ear. My family moved around me as they loaded me into the life flight chopper. They watched as it disappeared into the night sky heading toward the trauma center that would hopefully save me. My father turned to thank the lady who anointed and prayed over his son. "Where did she go?" he asked. They looked all around but to no avail she was nowhere to be seen. "Who was she?" asked his mother. "I don't know, never seen her before." stated the nurses as they returned to clean up. The family was confused but had others matters to attend to as they now began the race to the next hospital. They also were afraid on how to explain these events to my wife and children.

Simple Life

2008-06-15T17:16:00.000-07:00

Simply live life...Simply.
I used to see the world very blindly, usually through other peoples prejudices. For the past four years I walked a life that is only now beginning to be my own. A life I realized is very very temporary. Like a veil pulled shut for a small amount of time until the real show begins. My eyes are only now beginning to see and my mind beginning to understand. It has taken me way to long to realize my trials exist for my benifit. Upon waking from my coma I felt so completely connected to everything and everyone. Somewhere along the journey I let the world effect the spiritual gift I was blessed with. So I recently began a journey to recapture my former state of mind and soul. I am working to move beyond the prejudices of religion, politics and life's ignorance that stand in my way. Reconnecting with the incredible peace and love that once coursed through me. The God of all things is my guide. I shave away the things that do not really matter in the end. The rain falls gently as I sit and write this. I relax myself into my life releasing the self imposed prison. I begin to soak up every aspect of every moment integrating them into a very small thing most people walk blindly through. A little thing called life. We are all connected for good or ill. Look beyond the modern world's blindness and see the connections. Art and music are but two of these connections linking us through visual or harmonic means. If I could explain all my visions you would either call me wiseman or madman. Whatever you may think of me I ask you this. Cut away all the foolish pride. When you stand at the end of your life's journey what will matter to you? When eternity requires your soul will you be found worthy or worthless. It's not the career, it's not the riches, it's not the material items you collected along the way that will matter in the end of all ends. Did you serve yourself or did you serve the greater power who would have you serve others. The answer is yours to find. You are not excused from the test of life and someday when you least expect it you will find yourself in front of the one who created you. Stumbling for excuses to all your prideful failures. But in the end there is no excuse. The wiseman does not fear death because he is one who lived simply. Simply live life.....SIMPLY!

An Ode To Pain

2008-06-15T17:13:00.000-07:00

Ode to Pain.

What does it mean to be in pain? Often I wonder. For the last four years pain has become a close companion, never very far from my being. It's skeletal fingers often digging into the depths of my flesh.. Sometimes I am overcome by it's presence other times I am encouraged by it's icy touch. Like some demented voice it taunts me. I hear it screaming into my soul. "Dig deeper, push past me! Beat me if you can!" Other moments the pain drags me into my own hellish depths. At my weakest state it owns me. It's presence frustrates my usual calm demeanor. I feel my inner beast wanting to be unleashed. Like some rabid animal it hammers against the cage attempting to acquire its freedom from my self control. The beast and the pain are connected. They feed one another. Each gaining strength from the other. Like some sick cosmic joke they spiral inside me in an attempt to rip the peace from my soul.
There have been times when the pain has saved me. The day I battled for my life the pain gave me purpose. It coursed through my being with every pulse, every breath, every movement. It burned conscious thought from me. Like a flame it consumed me. Its sharp icy talons ripped me in pieces that day. I embraced the pain that day like a lost lover. I clung to it with my very being. The pain was my lifeline. Where there was pain there was also life. To excuse myself from it's presence would have meant certain death. It helped me survive.

There is sharp pain somedays. For no reason my body sends electrical impulses through me that instantly paralize my thoughts, soul and body. Like a lightning strike it rips through me snatching away my breath. During these times I am incredibly humbled. In those seconds I can only be a slave to the striking pain. Only when it eases do I gain control of my inner being. I pick myself up accept my weakness and go about my business. Though it may strike me down I will never give it the pleasure of truly owning me. I will be defiant to the end.

There are dull aches that course through me as well. Days when my bones seem to grind against one another. This pain is masterful. It is patient. It works itself slowly and methodically through my body. Beginning in some damaged joint it radiates into the bone then into my skull. This pain sucks the life from me like some blood crazed vampire. This pain enrages my inner beast. I feel the claws of my inner demons on my back. Their menacing talons puncturing my skin and muscle. Wanting me to release my all my vent up rage and anger at anyone and everyone. Sometimes I grow easily agitated with people so I withdraw myself to an inner sanctum. A place where no one will see my beast. A place where I can battle for control of myself. Here I stay until the storm passes. I only venture forth when I gain the illusion of control.

Over time I have learned to focus the pain. Through meditation, breathing and training I focus it's presence into a knife point. It's razor sharp edge though deadly becomes my weapon. Think me weak. Think me handicap. Underestimate me and that is your undoing. The pain keeps me alert and highly sensitive to my surroundings. My body has developed quite a keen sense of self preservation. Pain has been a pathway to unlocking secrets my soul and body has kept hidden for far to long.

The pain as of late has pushed me to limits I myself don't comprehend. I exist in a constant state of enduring. I ednure this life and this pain in hopes of somehow refining myself. What does'nt kill you makes you stronger ...right? Pain is the best teacher...right? God has put me in these trials for a reason...right? I know all these sayings are true. Though at times I doubt. The human side of me overtakes the spiritual side as I doubt. I know I will see the dawn though I am currently in the darkness. I will not give up up or give in. I am to much a fighter for that weak line of thought. But there are days when my soul aches. Like a massive groaning tree in a summer thunderstorm my soul aches for sweet release. So when that day comes do not mourn but celebrate like the vikings of old for my passing for I have had a good life and I will finally have moved beyond the pain!